on the horizon...

first...a little shout-out from the home team for Baby Girl...thanks for the awesome 'guest post' & buona fortuna with your mid-term exams!! (or should i say 'in bocca al lupo'!? cherrye can explain...)(Baby Girl made these very cool 'solidarity' bracelets for us to wear while she was away...whatta sweetheart she is!)

do y'all remember this little 'secret' from january?? well, stay tuned for a bit of an update soon! my quiet 6 week hiatus from travel is coming to an end & you know what?...i'm excited & ready to go! i have enjoyed this stretch of down time so much but my backpack is beckoning me & the jets' contrails over our home seem like love notes written in my sky...plus, my struggling italian is just begging to be put to good use! lucky boyworld, too...because they homeschool, they are able to join me at least some of the time.

beginning this week my blogging & blog visits may be a bit sporadic for awhile, but i carry you all in my heart wherever i go...& who knows?...sometimes i am even graced with the good fortune to meet some of you!

sometimes...

sometimes
your mind whispers...
the night is dark & i am far from home...
even though you are hiding under the quilt
in your own bed.sometimes
you mistake the pouring rain
for your own tears
while you are safely sheltered
in your own abode.sometimes
a succession of small nothings
begins to look like a pile of something
even though you are certain
each one was handled
with the utmost careand then...
sometimes
a word arrives
in a still, small voice or in black & white
from one who cares
& you know
that you are not alone.life is indeed a mad mission
but it is not a journey
i long to take
without love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here's to all of us who are in this thing called life together!

what is this saying about me...

my boys to me:

"if you're going to go out of the box, at least give the rest of us some directions."duly noted!

i sure hope so....

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is.

Who's" Your Inner European?

thanks, cherrye, for the heads-up on this one!

heroes...

...they don't seem to come along as often in life as we would like, but when they do, their impacts have far-reaching effects. often times they are quiet folks living their ordinary lives, but underneath the seeming ordinariness, there is something else. we may not recognize it immediately, but when we do, the gift of their presence is beyond compare.when i was in high school, nearing graduation (a scary time to be sure), i dated a guy who was nice, but it was his parents i preferred to visit, particularly his dad, mr. C. mr. C. was a former math teacher who took a better job in a different sector, but his heart was forever with students. what a blessing that was to my insecure self! sitting around their kitchen table, debating, discussing, laughing, sometimes crying, i crossed a gentle bridge into adulthood.mr. C.'s letters & phone calls throughout my adult life always seemed to arrive at the right moment...how did he know? his words were always just right...you can do this, you are not alone. at one of my very lowest moments, he & his wife reminded me that if the bottom fell out of my world, i would always have a place in their home to get back on my feet. wow. in the grand scheme of things, he did nothing profound...he simply listened to quiet urgings (write to this person now) & said simple words of encouragement...but oh, what a difference it made.sometimes heroes come in very unexpected places too. a number of years ago our children had just enrolled in a taekwondo program & their instructor decided (against my better judgment!) that i should enroll too. no amount of the word "no" would do for him & i soon found myself training...much to my surprise & delight. the classes were so much more than something physical or a road to a black belt...they were full of heroes & dear, dear friends for a lifetime.in the course of my training i harboured much self-doubt, but one black belt student seemed tuned into this part of me. chad would come to me during break-out trainings, see just what was wrong with my technique & say just the right thing to help me change. he was forever providing me with 'a-ha' moments & insights into myself that made all the difference. did he need to do this?...no, he was not an instructor; he was 'just' another student, but one who cared.as we were in our last cycle of training to test for our black belts, chad seemed so much more helpful. in the last board-breaking clinic, he took me aside & told me that i was ready. my heart soared! but he also told me one little thing about my breaking technique that he thought would make all the difference between a clean break (& passing the test for my black belt) & no break at all (ie., not passing & no black belt). at that moment i was so intense in my focus with the goal in sight & my attitude was a 'yeah, yeah, ok' dismissal of his concern. then came testing...doing my form (pattern for my belt rank) & sparring other black belts (the judges forgot to take me out of the line-up periodically & i ended up sparring the entire time...whew!!). all went so very well & i was pleased without a sense of concern for the last part~~ board-breaking.chad was not testing for a new rank in that cycle so as a black belt, he was helping the judges & the board holders, but i did not see him when i set up for my first break. it went well on the first attempt & i had one more break to do before my testing was over. i set up my board for what i thought would be an easy break & the end of a phenomenal day...but i didn't break the board! that was my first glitch in the day, however my attitude was still an upbeat, 'oh, well, try again.' no big deal. except...i did not break on the second attempt either. now it was a big deal. i looked around & realized that everyone with whom i had been training was finished & all of them (including my own family) had successfully broken their boards & were (theoretically) now black belts...except me! all my confidence drained away. i turned to my board holders (green belt students who were as scared as i) for my final attempt. in a flash, chad was there, standing behind them. all the din of the room drained away & he looked me square in the eyes...telling me, 'remember what i told you that you must do.' well, i did remember...& i put my foot through that board, out the door & into the parking lot (not really, but i did break that board)!! i still hear his voice when i am faced with seemingly impossible things...ironically both mr. C. & chad died within months of one another, both quite unexpectedly. oh how i miss them, my heroes of ordinary life.but they are not the only ones...last weekend we attended a going-away party for a wonderful friend. the joy of knowing this lovely woman is beyond words. she is an example to my children, one of the best for which i could hope, & someone i consider to be a true hero. she is giving up her cushy life as most of us know it to help those who live in conditions few of us have ever encountered. melissa, our hearts go with you on this journey (& next year, our hands too)...may you be blessed every step of the way!!& what about you...who are your heroes??

with love from central america...

...post cards **from** Baby Girl! oh, how these warmed my heart...she has a room with a view...new pathways to tread (rainforest in Tirimbina)...funky new friends (anyone know this fella??)...some colorful ones (finally, a poison dart frog)...& a few "awkward" ones too (sloth striking a pose!)...the world really is her classroom...right now she is staying on a coffee plantation (i know...i hear your sighs!) & she knows *exactly* what to bring home as a souvenier!

it's the struggle that keeps you strong

2 nights ago i dreamt that i was standing in the midst of a tempest~ swirling about my calm center were pieces of paper with italian words written on them. no matter how hard i tried, i could not take ahold of a single one. my frustrations grew, & then, as often happens in sleep, i drifted to another place, unrelated. but when morning came, the vividness of that vocabulary/grammar dream that haunted me.normally, the study of anything has come easily to me throughout my entire life, including 4 years of spanish in high school & the study of latin on my own in adulthood. my momma told me that i used to sleepwalk, coming to her in the middle of the night & speaking to her in rapid-fire spanish (she couldn't say if my grammar was on, but she could identify the words). maybe the ease was helped by the fact that 5 days a week we were immersed in a classroom with an excellent teacher who allowed not a word of english from day one, nor would she communicate with me outside the classroom in english. it really was sink or swim with her!


whatever it was, it is embedded in my brain to such a degree that while traveling in italy i have been asked on multiple occasions if i am spanish...not american, spanish! go figure! last summer my instructor was forever correcting little spanish errors too (porque vs. perche...a never ending pronunciation battle for 2 weeks). my time in roma with her was a precious gift to me. & it was also an experience that gave me clarity of things beyond my basic grammar skills...i began to understand a frustration that i did not remember from previous language study.


of course i could recall technical things & use my resources to convey needs & hold a simple conversation, but i could not convey emotions beyond very simple things...i could not state my feelings...i could not express myself in a deeper way. i found that, for the first time in my life, i preferred to be silent. (those of you who know me in the real world, please do not laugh ;-)...for i know you believe that to be impossible!) & now i realize that in the beauty of that silence some deeper learning was taking place.


i was starting to grasp some nuances of this language that captivates me...i could hear the stressed syllables of words that had eluded me...i could hear word order in sentences. i also learned how humbling it can be to be 2 steps behind a speaker's words...to lose an important concept because i was translating 3 sentences behind what had just been said.


yesterday my oldest son noticed my exasperation & asked me about it...i told him that for the umpteenth time that day i had hit a wall in my understanding of italian. (verb tenses & prepositions have become the bane of my existence.)he wondered aloud why i would even attempt this. hmmmm...i love language. italian is incredibly beautiful...i never tire of hearing it spoken. i have been lulled to sleep by its lyrical enchantment. i cannot explain why it draws me to itself. really, i don't care...it is part of my path. & in talking with my son i realized that the challenge of this language for me personally is like a breath of the crisp fall air which surrounded me this morning. it invigorates my senses & the reward of returning to italy with a bit more skill in italian far outweighs my frustrations with expression...quite the opposite~~ it fuels me to apply myself even more. (this one's for you
Baby Girl, my language-immersed child...a little bit of home)...