i don't know where you are...

...& i'm not sure that it matters.

during my time praying lauds yesterday, i was remembering some folks who have asked for prayer for various reasons, & i stopped to dwell for a moment on a man named George.

George.

periodically over the last few weeks he has been on my mind both during my prayers and at odd moments outside of them, popping up while i fold some laundry or stir the soup. yesterday, i let my mind wander just a bit more beyond my general begging for God to bless and assist George~~ turning to some very serious gratitude for him being in my life. you see, he is the one who really taught me to pray.

prior to meeting George almost 10 years ago, if someone asked me to remember them in my prayers, i would happily agree to do so and then go my merry way. what followed was some variation of this: run into person who requested the prayer or someone who knows them to find out that a) the circumstances had improved, b) the circumstances has worsened, or c) things were basically the same. i would nod politely (& embarrassingly if the person thanked me for my prayers), then shuffle away feeling awful that i had not honored such a simple & IMPORTANT request. Why? & yet, i continued, as if paralyzed, in this same pathetic mode.

enter George. i met him one of the very first times i was at the sunday homeless dinner in the nearby city. he was an outgoing gentleman with a ready smile and a twinkle in his eye. always. our first conversation was full of laughter, sharing some of our stories as people do when they first meet. it goes without saying that not every part of his life was sparkly, as he was living on the street, but those tough parts of his life did not remotely dampen the joy that he carried & shared. for many weeks & years after that first encounter, every sunday that it was our family's turn at the dinner, George was always front & center to share a hug, some good news & encouragement. one of those many sundays in the mix of years, as we were ready to leave for the day, he grabbed my hand & looked me square in the eye, requesting, "will you pray for me? i will pray for you everyday."

something about his look & the urgency of his words made my soul sit up & pay attention. it was as if it said to me, ... look, you failed in this before, but this is serious business. it is necessary. & you must do it. no more dragging of the feet.

i could not, under any circumstances in that moment do anything but say "yes" & mean it. my drive home was spent pondering how to make this real. every. day. i scanned my brain for something that would help me remember to take this request seriously, to integrate it into my daily life. i realized that my prayer life in general was quite haphazard; it lacked any sort of structure that would be the skeleton that held it together. considering my daily activities, i remembered the journal that i used nearly everyday for poetry & nonsense, thinking...hey, why not write notes to God. & along the way, write George's name in the margin to jog the lazy memory. this urgency for my friend's request opened up a whole new beautiful world to me as i realized that God is not something far off & He loves to chat over coffee, or to receive my tears poured out for a friend who is hurting, or to hear me moan over some silly perplexing thing of mine while i vacuum, or maybe best of all, to have me just sit with Him in the Adoration chapel quietly & gratefully just. just...

through the years George has also taught me more about the Body of Christ than all of my intellectual theological pursuits combined. what it really means to be members of His Body, to sorrow when when part hurts, to take joy with another. a few years ago George stopped coming to sunday dinners. not one of the regular crowd knew where he was or why he wasn't coming. i missed him very much. of course, he remained firmly in my prayers.

but now...

at first it was strange for me to intercede for someone with whom there was no follow up. i no longer knew of his needs, his struggles, his triumphs. but in my praying for him i discovered that we were still connected somehow. & it didn't matter that i didn't know. God certainly knows. i am not to worry. not a bit. but i am to keep that promise to George. i do. & in this doing, i've learned to trust. that He cares more for George (& for all of us) than i could possibly imagine. that faith means doing things for something which i may never know the outcome. that my very small sacrifice of intercession for George matters very much to God because He created George as a unique individual out of His infinite love....something true for each and every of us.

it no longer matters where George is...what matters is love.

well...

...do you??

humble thoughts on forgiveness...

forgive me if i've seen
the splinter in your eye
then hit you with the plank in mine
while reaching to "fix" you

la festa di ognissanti

& so today begins a month that is not always so easy for me to navigate...it seems so fitting to me that my parents' passings were during the month that begins with the feasts of All Saints & All Souls...st. benedict wrote in his 'rule' to 'keep death daily before one's eyes'...during november this directive to remember death is not so difficult for me to follow...last night at the All Saints vigil Mass, fr. T's encouraging words reminded me that for most of my days i do not spend enough time thinking on the Last Things...nor do i usually frame the context of my thoughts & actions around my final end...does what i am thinking, doing, creating in my everyday life matter toward this end?...in other words, am i doing what i am supposed to be doing right here, right now. i so often find myself looking down~ looking at the nitty-gritty very small picture...forgetting my purpose, forgetting to look up~ keeping an eye on the end of our journey...this feast reminds me of where i am going...& it reminds too that we do not navigate this alone; we have friends for the journey, friends in very high places! their examples of holy lives, their intercessions available to us now offer much comfort to us each day...

poetry prompts & travel dreams

{descent}

nothing is quite so sweet
to this wanderlusting soul
as those words that interrupt
my in-flight movie:
"ladies & gentlemen...
shortly we will be making our descent..."

one single impression's prompt for this week ~ descent ~ takes a turn in the direction of travel for me as we gear up for a trip to Charleston SC, contemplate a december return to roma (for a very special friend's ordination), & begin to lay some groundwork for 2010 journeys...here (of course!)...but also here?...here?...or maybe here again?? i really do like the excitement of potential journeys, the comparing of places, all the hopefulness of new experiences! as i perused my romania photos from last summer, i got a lump in my throat about the possibility of going back...but that remains in God's hands right now!

after we left suceava, romania last summer, we stopped again in oradea & were blessed with a free day on our hands. we ambled around the city with melissa...mesmerized by the beautiful old churches & the communist-era buildings...i was so grateful that the old way had not been completely destroyed. my heart could not comprehend the events that my mind knew had transpired there in the last century. how i would have loved to join these two gentlemen on that park bench to hear the stories they could tell....but there were sobering reminders that spoke without words, like this memorial to victims of nazi occupation...an entire room just outside the moon curch (Biserica cu Luna) was filled with candles lit for loved ones lost...a short distance from this church was the St. Nicholas Greek Catholic Church...where we had the sweet pleasure of meeting the sacristan who spoke fluent *english*! (the first time in nearly a week we heard our native tongue outside our little group)...he told of history, both sad & joyful, of those who gave their lives so readily in order that this time may be what it is. & he showed us the great treasure held in his church...a first class relic of St. Nicholas (some of his bones).

our stroll through this beautiful city continued...eventually leading us to this painted monastery...a place so incredibly beautiful & so peaceful...one was utterly removed from the world in the enclosure...the place has settled into my dreams now that i am home...as i organize & upload these photo reminders, i tell myself it is no wonder i am dreaming of 2010's travel possibilities!!

next stop on the journey of reminiscing is my very favorite~ budapest!

oradea, romania, june, 2009

snapshots on the journey7...

with wanderlust in high gear, our gang of 6 caught a morning flight to budapest, hungary, and met a lovely driver & his wife for the road to romania~~ destination melissa's apartment in oradea. with bags (HEAVY bags) in tow filled to brimming with goodies for the orphanage, we navigated fiumicino airport (quite possibly the *entire* airport) looking for our ticket counter, our gate & one last buon caffe`.


when it was time to fly, little did we know what a treat awaited us...i am fairly certain our pilot for this air one flight was a former roman taxi driver! before that day i did not know that planes on the runway could take 90 degree turns at high rates of speed nor did i know just how quickly one may approach a terminal & yet still not hit the passengers waiting inside!! really, where it counts for me~ that would be in the air!!~ he was a fabulous pilot (though before takeoff i was praying with more zeal than average!).


landing in hungary, i was hungry (a pun, yes!!) for my first glimpse of eastern europe. i grew up in the days of the cold war & i must honestly say, as a teenager, my travel dreams did not include countries behind the iron curtain...that seemed so far out of reach. but we were there! this is one efficient airport ~ ferihegy...off the plane, luggage right inside the door & *ready* in minutes, bathroom to the immediate left, the all important ATM right beside the luggage conveyor! wow!! i do not speak a lick of any eastern european languages, but hungary is so navigable, the people so wonderful (more on that later, with our return trip & our stay in budapest). time in this airport was short for us (the one part of that day this was true!) because of its efficient layout & because our romanian driver was just outside the terminal & ready to roll. in no time we were passing through the rolling countryside, settled into our 3 hour drive.


the border crossing was met with excitement because it meant we were close to that night's destination & because H1N1 was a very big deal. we were detained for a bit & had to sign health statements, but melissa had warned us of this because we were US citizens & 4 of of our group had just come from the states. they must have liked the looks of us (ie., no one was ill!!) & soon we were entering oradea.


on the drive one misconception was cleared rather quickly for me...so many folks had told me that romanian is very similiar to italian & latin. well, that is true~~ for the written word. the spoken word, not so much. i realized that communicating would be a greater challenge than originally thought. also consider that very few romanians speak any english. no matter, because human kindness is apparent in spite of words & romania's people are some of the kindest i have encountered in travel!...our driver took us straight to melissa's apartment & we were greated with big hugs & an authentic romanian meal prepared by melissa's friend to welcome us. time for some R&R at the end of travel day #1 because the next day would find us unexpectedly on the road again & for a bit longer...a 10 hour train ride through the carpathian mountains into the region of transylvania...to the city of suceava. our plans to help at the orphanage had hit a governmental snag & we were heading to the place where melissa would eventually move. while staying in suceava we spent our days in the village of stroiesti...with our change in plans, melissa found other ways that we could be of help~~ we spent time with the children who were on summer break (melissa had prepared some lessons on Psalm 139 & part of KV's brimming bags included craft supplies that were quickly put to use!)...we helped a pastor of a village church with manual labor tasks...we visited the childrens' families...& we toured the medical facilities & met the physician & dentist that serve these very poor folks...this place was a real eye-opener~~ all water is drawn from wells...there is no electricity, outhouses are it baby!, & the mode of transportation is horse & wagon...we went from a slick post-communism city on the move to a 15th century village in the space of a 1/2 hour's car ride. i truly hope to take a medical team back in the future, God willing. romania is an incredibly beautiful country with equally beautiful people. we felt very blessed to be there & be so warmly welcomed...up next...our journey toward western europe~ more romania & hungary, followed by stops in vienna, venice, & roma!


suceava/stroiesti, romania, guigno, 2009

water, water everywhere...

one single impression's prompt for this week is thirst, suggested by my bellavia. this seems an ironic word to me after a week of grey skies & a day of being inundated with rainfall (8 inches in one 18 hour period!), after spending time looking over the bay this morning considering the prompt & marveling over the fact that i am surrounded by water, after wandering back inside for a glass of fresh, clean water without a second thought. it seems as though what i thirst for isn't necessarily a drink...{thirst}


surrounded by water
but i only see the reflection
of the sky
as i look up
while my mind on its pilgrimage
can only think:
"i thirst"
the cloud above like a well
& i think:
"for you my soul thirsts"
& so i walk on looking up

snapshots on the journey6...

sidetrippin'...


D., Baby Girl & Big Bro~ flown home. Little Man & i remain. crazy eastern european travel buds not yet arrived. what to do, what to do??...


check iRail app, find next train to firenze, of course!!!...stop by my favorite church (Santa Margherita in Maria de' Ricci)...take a passeggiata, enjoying the beauty of this wonderful city...while indulging in a gelato (of course!!!)...& catch the train back to roma for nighty night!...Firenze never fails to call my name whenever i am in the bel paese!


another day of down-time in roma~~ no problema!!! catch another train...visit roma's awesome beach~ santa marinella...have a great night with great friends (still roma's best eats, in my humble opinion!)...catch the even-later train back to roma & sleep well because in the morning its time to welcome more friends from the states & head to romania!...(have crazy...will travel!!!!)...roma, firenze, santa marinella, giugno, 2009

snapshots on the journey5...

aahhhhhh, roma! after an incredibly peaceful 10 day journey meandering around the countryside & seaside, was i ready for your bustle, for your traffic, for your myriad of choices? why yes, i believe i was! we frequented our favorite bars (& for those of you who don't know, that's not the same thing as a 'bar' in the US!)...a cappuccino in the morning (bar trevi)...a spritz in the afternoon (bar cento passi)...fueled by fabulous italian food...we were on the move non-stop...new pathways (climb inside St. Peter's dome)...glimpses of mystery...attention to detail...new views (thanks, christopher~~ castel sant'angelo)...moments to reflect...moments to look beyond...sacred moments (Corpus Christi procession with Pope Benedict)...moments where the ordinary and the sacred met (roma's FSSP parish)......a certain slant of light...new sounds...new clarity...& hopefully~~ a return!...roma never disappoints! after 2 weeks of language lessons, a break in the middle to visit florence (that's another 'snapshot' post!), sending Baby Girl home, sending D. & Big Bro home, & greeting our eastern european adventure contingent, we were all-too-soon saying arrivederci, roma! roma, giugno, 2009