22 February 2009

will i ever blog again??

i am beginning to wonder...i am swimming in a sea of technology & reading & writing & keeping boyworld in line. in the middle of it all, i think about my blog but never at a moment when i might actually attend to it. i have spent countless hours spring cleaning over the last few weeks (even the attic!) & occasionally my thoughts have swirled with prayers (especially for philip, fr. reggie & our friend D.) & also with words to blog.the prayers continue heavenward, but the blog words are swept away in the dustpan. i've actually been feeling more word-quiet lately. less of my own thoughts...more paying attention to life without a need to dialogue with it. really, just many moments of simply being in the moment. last night i woke before the 4th watch with a poem dangling at the edge of my sleep, words that were accessible to me & so i wrote them down. (my poetry is here.) i fell immediately back to sleep...a deep, intensely satisfying sleep that is a joy from which to wake.my other focus in recent days is the beginning of lent this wednesday. in last year's post i noted the sacrifice of going without & the sacrifice of doing. i need both. in reflecting upon what keeps me from a life of holiness, i am being led to my "going without"...in those things that lead me to a life of holiness, i find my sacrifice of doing. my biggest temptation right now is the internet~blogging, facebook, reading a myriad others' writings. (believe me, that was brought to the surface during last weekend's retreat!) the "going without" part of my sacrifice is screamingly apparent!...& for that prompting i will take last year's Holy Week break plus no internet activity until after 5pm each day for the duration of lent. as for the "sacrifice of doing"...the boys & i are pooling our efforts (& those of our generous parish) to help melissa's efforts in romania. i am also reading this. & praying for the grace to continually ask myself: "is this what love looks like?"

7 comments:

Jim said...

Thank you for adding me to your list, A TAPESTRY OF WRITERS. I am pleased that you would put me there but I am not really a writer, I JUST WRITE. Those others are good, I would not want to dissapoint them or cheapen your list of real writers.

I like your 'candle list,' I have a prayer list that I could put on one of my lesser read blogs. Maybe change it over to a better journal type for myself and a few.

There are a lot of bloggers with special situations. I pray for them besides aquaintances and family.

It seems that God is blessing you through this blog and the sharing that transpires. I appreciate your family more too for the homeschooling effort, those kids seem to be getting an excellent education.

I think one can overdo the blogging stuff, for different reasons. Mrs. Jim thinks I spend too much time with it. I try to limit. Perhaps for Lent I could cut back more?

This comment doesn't need to be posted, you can treat it as an e-mail.

Bye,
..

Jennifer said...

I know exactly what you mean, I really do.

I found it interesting that you woke at 4 with a poem on the edge of sleep - I write prolifically, smoothly, poetically on the edge of sleep - music and poetry - and then as I float towards wake, I tell myself, "don't forget..." but I almost always do. Even while the words are in my mind, I'm thinking, "is this really making sense, I know I'm asleep... why, yes, it is... remember, remember..."

It's a lovely feeling, but frustrating at the same time. :)

Ah, time to think about sacrifice again. Time to pull out the annual books, start thinking lenten thoughts, preparing hearts to watch and wait and expect. In the Presbyterian Reformed church we do not observe lent formally, but many of us do observe informally, and it is certainly a theme that runs through our days.

Without fasts, the feasts aren't as abundantly enjoyed!!!

Come back to us when you are full and ready. I am going to go read your poem now! :)

Jen

Annie said...

Dearest Deb - This post is so rich in thought. I'm printing it out for my own guidance during this Lenten season.

Claudia said...

I kept my promise.

qualcosa di bello said...

jim...no way, no how would you "cheapen" that list!! just writing from the heart makes you a writer! you are very correct when you say God is blessing me through this blog...in more ways that i could have ever imagined! not the least of which is the meeting of wonderful bloggers such as yourself.

jen...a perfect wide-angle view of lent...things are so much sweeter after a lean time!

annie...i am humbled more than you can know...

qualcosa di bello said...

claudia...you are a sweetie!

Catvibe said...

These are really good thoughts. I have been asking those questions without having a religion to base it on, but I think the best part of religion is the ability to cause reflection. It sounds like your reflections are bringing healthy choices and clear thinking.