20 November 2008

drop of joy

finally home after more than a month-long absence, i woke that first morning to a double rainbow over the marshland that shouted "love never dies."

very few things have ever given me comfort like that.

the glorious sign marked a shift in my grief...my numbness started to drip away. i could breathe a bit deeper. i could pray a bit more than my oft-uttered "please help me." & most hopeful to me, i could feel momma around me.

before that day i had spent nearly 3 weeks obsessing with "where" momma & daddy went. my mind could recite the catechism's answer but my heart could not understand it.

looking at that rainbow i knew i had been asking the wrong question. & i also knew that in this lifetime i would never be able to wrap my head around answers to questions like that.

it just wasn't important anymore.

4 comments:

casalba said...

Sei bella e brava. Bacioni.

qualcosa di bello said...

grazie, sally. prego che tuo papa` e` bene. un abbraccio grande a te!

maggio- non vedo l'ora!

Bella Mocha said...

I can identify so much with your words 'obsessing with where momma and daddy went'...for I still do the same, even now, even after all these years.

It's hard not knowing.

It's hard to understand how they can be here one day and just gone the next.

It's hard not being there to 'see' that they are 'somehow okay'.

But you are right. It is not for us to know, not now, not here; not in this lifetime.

I just believe that our love was too strong to be broken, to become nothing; and that therefore there will be something, somehow, one day. They will be waiting.

Thank you for sharing this.
bella x

qualcosa di bello said...

"It's hard not being there to 'see' that they are 'somehow okay'."...bella, that is exactly what crosses my mind. & yet, hope does not allow me to despair in that. thank you so much for your kind words!