24 November 2007


i didn't decide to cry
it swept over me
like a rogue wave
& i just gave up
to its current,
the salty flow
from deep within.
it gushed forth
& i struggled for breath
struck like the rock at Horeb.
dry wells do not yield
to quench thirst;
dust does not cleanse
& so these tears
were alive to me
drawn from a fruitful depth
to wash
the places of hurt.

30 days of gratitude...for comfort in the sorrow. when my parents passed away, we lived in a new place far from them. one death was expected; the other a total shock only 11 days later. 2 funerals in 7 days. no matter how hard i try each year , i cannot dodge the memories of these days...even if i did not know the calendar, i would know by the slant of light & the rhythms of life. in the midst of this time, i was certainly moving forward in the current of "what must be done"...but my heart was wrapped in a protective layer of shock.

it was in this time that love had so many faces in my life...friends who cared not one whit for the charges on their cell phone bills~ they called often & talked as long as i needed. friends who dropped everything & came. friends who told other friends who told other friends & for the prayers of them all~ i could feel them every waking moment. new friends who were far away were no longer new friends...on our return home just days before Christmas after nearly a month away they had filled the frig & decorated the entire house & made sure we did not celebrate Christmas alone. friends who took the children out for fun (they really needed that) when i needed some down time. friends who recognized my slobbery, weeping voice when i called but could not speak for a bit. for Father F. who listened to my sorrowing struggles & gently helped with the funerals...as did B., a family friend & our funeral director~~a man so very kind & so very gifted in his work~ he is just what a grieving family needs. D.'s parents, who had the children nearly the entire month surrounding the illness, hospitals & funeral planning. D.~~ who was a circle of love around me the entire time protecting me from so many things, never considering himself through it all.

& i have a deep, deep gratitude for my faith...somewhere, at the core of it all, in the worst days, i could feel the love of God wrapped around me like the most comfortable quilt. i can't explain. i don't even care to.


sognatrice said...

I love this all, but especially the last two lines.

I know quite a few people who lost both parents within a week or two of each other. I can't imagine dealing with that, but I'm sure all those basic things that we should be thankful for always really shine.

Great post.

Suz said...

such a beautiful post. what a difficult time in your life and yet encouraging to know that God expressed his love and care for you through those around you in ways you could never had anticipated. Blessings and peace!

lissa said...

Lovely but sad poem.

Glad you find some comfort in friends and family during those tough times.

Sunflower said...

I love this momma. You are so amazingly beautiful inside and out. I'm glad I'm your daughter.

Frances said...

The tears started flowing long before I finished the post.
Can you feel my hug?
Take care

Anonymous said...

I was so moved by this beautiful post. I have lost both of my parents and I have known that protective layer of shock, sometimes I still wear it. But I know now that my broken heart was indicative of the wonderful friendship and unfailing love that we had shared. I know too that we can be broken in many places and be better because of it.

You spoke of your pain without a trace of self-pity; instead it is love and graitutde that shine through. Beautiful.

rochambeau said...

Your poem touches me deeply, your words too.

sending a hug to you!

Roam2Rome said...

Loosing both parents around the same time is unimaginable. They left together... Amidst the pain there's love and faith in your lines, and that's very lovely.

X Hugs! X

Britt-Arnhild said...

Beautiful photos to go with your words of loss, grieve and sorrows.

Blessings to you.

qualcosa di bello said...

sognatrice...the experience is not one i would have chosen for sure, but i must accept it & find the love in it.

suz...thank you very much. it was like being swept up in a tide of love when i could no longer swim.

lissa...thank you too...they really sustained me.

sunflower...i love you too. i keep your card from the day grandpa died in a treasured place for comfort when i need it.

frances...you just bet i can! thank you.

bella...you are right...in the midst of that very difficult time i learned so much about love in so many ways.

constance...the hug is very appreciated.

soon-to-be-roman...they really did leave together. D. said he was sure that my daddy came into momma's hospital room & said "let's go." their passing left a painful void but their love remained.

britt-arnhild...thank you, i appreciate your kindness.

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

What an exquisite poem ... and then to read about your gratitude in a time of grief and loss ... it took my breath away. Peace, JP/deb

Karina said...

This was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. It was just beautiful.